‘How did you become a wine writer?’ It’s perhaps the most frequent question I’ve had from wine drinkers over the years. What they really mean is ‘How could I go about becoming a wine writer?’

In other words, they too would like a job they assume involves nothing more than the consumption of an endless round of free lunches and gratis wine samples.

My life is nothing like that, I tell them. (I can lie like a politician when necessary.)

The process
My ticket on the gravy train was easy enough to obtain. The process really was as simple as follows and the dialogue is as accurate as memory will allow.

Crown Ambassador Reserve Lager 2008 – around $55 * * * * *
A limited 5000 bottle release beer, in individually numbered 750ml bottles, each with a wax seal and a presentation box. The lager is bottle-conditioned, so look for the yeast sediment when pouring. At 9.2 percent alcohol, it is twice as strong as some regular beers.

I tasted bottle number 2465: Dark amber in colour, with a nose of malt and toffee along with hoppy high notes. In the mouth, the high alcohol contributes to a thick, velvety, creamy mouthfeel. The long-lasting, complex flavours of malt, hops and a hint of mocha made me wonder where I could get another bottle. They reckon this lager will cellar for ten years or so and I wouldn’t be surprised. A scrumptious drop, which, despite the price tag, will be snapped up by collectors.

Chandon Vintage Brut 2005 – under $39 - * * *
A blend of chardonnay, pinot noir, pinot meunier, two years on yeast lees. Very pale, tinged with green, persistent bead. Bouquet shows brioche and lime blossoms and praline. The palate is lip-smackingly crisp and dry showing flavours of baked bread, hazel nuts and a zesty Granny Smith apple finish. A first class aperitif style.

The chief boffin in our R&D department is about to patent a design for an electronic menu.

Basically, the E-menu (as she likes to call it) is designed to increase efficiency of ordering, to provide detailed information to diners, to minimise the unwanted attention of pushy waiters and sommeliers and thereby to reduce the number of floor staff. There are obvious cost savings related to this latter aim.

The wi-fi menu can be permanently installed in dining tables, one at each setting or, as a less expensive alternative, can take the form of a menu folder to be handed out to individual guests.

The Palazzo Ducale, photo by Luca Risso

Terroir Vino is the brainchild of my friend, web entrepreneur Fil Ronco. Participants are invited after selection in a blind tasting by TigullioVino teams, and so you get a wide spectrum of styles and sizes of winery, from the “all natural” vigneron with less than 4 hectares, to large quality producers like Lungarotti. Half the day is reserved for wine professionals (press, restaurant owners, importers), and starting mid-afternoon the event is open to the public for a nominal fee.

The setting under the gold leaf carved ceilings of the doge’s palace, the perfect organization and the friendly atmosphere made this Terroir Vino day a big success. It was good to see lots of blogging and newsgroup friends, including Joan Gómez Pallarès, Terry Hughes, Luca Risso, Giampiero Nadali, Schigi, Filippo Cintolesi, Franco Solari, Fiorenzo Sartore, Mirco Mariotti, Gianpaolo Paglia, even Slow Food friends Enrico Sala and Maurizio Fava. All in all 1500 people attended.

Long-time readers will be shocked to hear that your humble correspondent has been off the grog for a few weeks. Doctor’s orders, following a nasty but necessary ‘routine’ operation visited often enough upon ageing geezers.

Seems that up to a month’s healing is required, and alcohol, which can dilate blood vessels, may hinder this.

Not that I felt much like booze, or food for that matter for a couple of weeks. No doubt due to trauma and the ongoing aftermath of a generous intrathecal dose of dope that left me temporarily legless.

Where was I?

Cascade First Harvest Pure Green Hop Brew– up to $20 the six-pack of 330ml bottles - * * *
Made with from fresh hop flowers. Mid to dark amber. Sweet aromas of toffee like malt and savoury hops. Full-flavoured and malty on the palate with a delicious lasting hop bitterness at the finish. This limited release is worth chasing up.

Temple Bruer Verdelho 2007 – up to $18.50 - * *
Langhorne Creek, South Australia. Certified organic, no preservatives added. Spicy apricot nose. Full-bodied white with overtones of stone fruits on the palate, mild acidity and a quite dry, food suited finish.

Blind Mans Bluff Sophist Red - Cellar door price $18 - * *
Kenilworth, Queensland. I’d call this a sort of shiraz rosé. It’s light in colour – a bit darker than your typical rosé and light in alcohol at 10 per cent. The nose is juicy and plummy and the palate fresh and off-dry with enough grape tannins to offset the sweetness. Serve chilled as you would a rosé.

In the latest issue of Slate online, Christopher Hitchens makes some valid points as he slags intrusive sommeliers, see Wine drinkers of the world, unite.

I've met a few sommeliers who know a lot more about wine than I ever will and who can advise and talk knowledgeably about it. For diners who don't know much about wine these experts can be invaluable.

But for those who know what they like, some sommeliers (vinowaitus interruptus) come across as arrogant buttinskis.

I particularly detest those dudes and dudines whose only job it seems, is to flog pricier bottles and who overpour robotically to sell more wine - often with no regard to guests' thirst, tastes, wallets, or sobriety.

And, who has ever met a sommelier who recommends inexpensive wines from their list?

PS – As for intrusiveness - I've been to restaurants lately where your conversation is still interrupted by wait staff wielding giant pepper grinders and pots of grated parmesan. I thought those went out with avocado vinaigrette.

Examples include matches such as cabernet sauvignon with Jimi Hendrix; chardonnay with Blondie; merlot with Otis Redding and music by classical composers such as Orff and Tchaikovsky.

There is of course an enormous cultural bias inherent in this kind of research.

If you are a wine drinker whose tastes run to the blues, rock 'n roll and bluegrass a glass of good red is hardly going to taste better while listening to Carmina Burana.

Similarly,if you have been acculturated to prefer western classical music or opera, a glass of chablis might taste a tad sharpish while Jimi's Voodoo Chile is blasting way at volume 11 on the stereo.

One can only imagine what wines you would match with the music of Celine Dion, Ravi Shankar, Karlheinz Stockhausen or 'J-Lo'.

Hardly a day goes by without one of these scientific horror stories. And if it's not a horror story then it's wine as a miraculous cure-all.

The bottle was offered to me by Joan Gómez Pallarès, the man at the keyboard of De Vinis Cibisque. We had met for a lunch in Barcelona during the Mobile World Congress last February.

Nuts are a favourite accompaniment to wine. They are delicious when served with bubbly and other aperitifs and a plate of nuts and dried fruit is obligatory when savouring a vintage port after dinner.

But did you ever notice that in any bowl of mixed nuts, in shell or not, certain varieties are always eaten in exactly the same order of preference?

So I’m sculling a tasty New Zealand pinot noir at Laguna Jacks and this guy comes up to me and asks me in an American accent how I like his wine.

I learn that his name is Quintin Quider and that the pinot is from a Central Otago winery, Wild Earth that he owns with wife, Avril. He adds that he hails originally from California, came to Australia after a stint in New Zealand, and now lives in Noosa.

Cascade Green – up to $18 the six-pack of 330ml bottles *
According to the label, this full-strength (4.5%) lager is 100 per cent carbon neutral, preservative free and low carbohydrate. It has pleasant hoppy spicy aromatics. The palate is medium-weighted and very smooth in texture. Flavours are malty sweet and the finish without bitterness.

Banrock Station Ecomate Colombard Chardonnay 2007 - 1 Litre Tetra Pak – up to $10 * *
Light lemony nose. Fresh easy drinking style with faint oak, off-dry finish and mild acidity.

Headlines over recent months have featured horror stories about alcohol abuse, binge drinking, and general overindulgence in our favourite legal drug.

Some stories have ludicrously blamed the size of wine glasses for excessive boozing. For example, "MP calls for smaller wine glasses" and, "Wine glasses blamed for women drinking large alcohol amounts."

I’m totally unconvinced that standardising the size of wine glasses is going to stop boozing and I don’t believe that proposals to change the official guidelines for the recommended number of standard drinks per day will have any effect whatsoever.